Plunging Forward
by Cherazor
Summary: There's something not quite right with Rose, something the Doctor can't quite put his finger on, but it might just be what he needs to see what's been in front of him all along. 10/Rose


Hi everyone! This here would be my very first venture into Doctor Who fanfics…and also the first fic I've finished in over a year. I can only hope it's any good, because I'm very much out of practice when it comes to writing. It took me far longer than it should have for me to finish – I just kept writing and re-writing parts all over again. XD Also, I'm sorry about the perhaps slightly cliché plot. When I started writing it was meant to be far more lighthearted than it ended up being. I blame the Doctor!

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy.

-Cherry

**Disclaimer:** Trust me, if I was lucky enough to own Doctor Who, I doubt I would be writing romantic drivel for the Doctor and Rose on . No, I'd be writing romantic drivel for them on BBC! 8D

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><p><strong>Plunging Forward<br>**

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><p>There was something not quite right with Rose.<p>

He'd noticed it from the very moment she'd joined him for breakfast, and it had continued to irk him throughout the day. Had anyone asked him, he wouldn't have been able to tell them why, but nonetheless…

Something was…not _right_.

To be precise, there wasn't anything particularly _wrong_ with her, but there was something…something that just wasn't supposed to be _there. _A _something_ he couldn't even place his finger on what it was, but that didn't mean that he was wrong about it. He was never wrong.

Well. Never when it mattered. Or, well, not when it was about Rose. When it was about Rose and it was important.

For one, the Doctor considered himself an expert on many different subjects, one of which was Rose Tyler. He knew all her moods, expressions, personality quirks, likes and dislikes. In fact, he probably could write a whole encyclopedia about her if the need for one ever popped up.

And all of that knowledge was telling him that something was very, very much not _right_ with his favorite pink and yellow human.

And whatever it was, he was not liking it. He was not liking it at all.

The Doctor frowned, earning himself a concerned look from Rose as she stirred her tea. "Are you all right, Doctor?"

Was _he_ all right? He wasn't the one behaving oddly!

Except, neither was she.

In fact, she was behaving a hundred percent normal. Nothing was off, nothing was strange.

There was only his weird feeling that something was not quite right…

"Doctor?"

"What?" He jerked, his eyes refocusing on her face just in time to see the concern displayed there deepen even further and he realized belatedly that she was still waiting for him to reply. "Oh. Yes, of course. I'm always all right." He continued to study her, searching her face for any clue as to what it could be about her that kept throwing him off. "Are you?"

She blinked at him in apparent surprise and it became clear to him, even before she spoke, that she had no idea what could possibly be bothering him. "'Course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

And for the life of him, he couldn't come up with a reason why she wouldn't. "I—" he paused, scratching behind his ear. "You look different." He managed finally and almost flinched at how inane he must sound to her – even more so than usual. Because she didn't look different. At all. She looked just as she always did. Pink and yellow and human and just like _Rose._

But to his utter surprise, she nodded; a thoughtful look spreading over her face. "I feel different."

He leaned forward. "'Different' how?"

"I dunno. Happier, I s'pose. No – _free._ I feel…free."

He swallowed, feeling nervous for reasons he couldn't quite explain. For reasons he didn't grasp or understand_._ And for a moment he hesitated, wondering if he really wanted to. But whatever it was, he knew it had to be related to whatever it was about her that kept throwing him off balance, and with that he also knew with a simple clarity that he had to know. "Why?"

"I—" she flushed, her cheeks turning even pinker than normal. "Does it matter?"

Again, he hesitated, recognizing Rose's word for what they were – an offer of return to safety. The last point of return, of sorts. "Yes." And with that word he plunged forward, for better or worse.

Her eyes flickered down to her tea cup for a moment before locking with his once again. "I decided to give you up."

"You _what_?"

"Yeah." She nodded again, chewing at the bottom of her lip before continuing, the words tumbling out of her mouth with such a speed he almost had troubles hearing what she said. "I've been thinkin' a lot these last couple of days. 'Bout me an' you. And everything. I've been waitin' for two years for you to look at me and realize that I was there, y'know? I know you said you don't do domestic, and I'm just a little stupid ape. You're so much older and so much _more _than I am too – the Doctor; the bloody Oncomin' Storm. But I never stopped hoping that one day you'd turn 'round and see me, 'cause I've always been there, runnin' beside you and holding your hand. And sometimes…sometimes I almost thought you did – I'd catch a grin or a look and I'd think maybe, just maybe, I made your day a little bit better.

"But then you met Reinette and I knew I'd been wrong. I mean, I saw how you looked at her, and it was nothin' like how you looked at me. I just can't compare." She took a deep breath, gripping his hand. "I'm not jealous, I'm really not. I'm glad you got to meet her and I'm sorry you lost 'er, because she was special, yeah? She saw you and understood you like no one else and she made you feel happy. A little less lonely. And she made me see just how silly I'd been, because it's sort of hopeless, innit? She was beautiful and smart and accomplished an' I'm Rose Tyler, shop girl. I…I love you, Doctor. More than I should, probably. All I want is for you to be happy, but you aren't. Not the way I want you to be, so it isn't fair of me to want you to love me back, 'cause you don't feel the same way. You're not happy and I can never give you that."

"Rose…"

She held up her free hand, silencing him. "No, I…I need to say this. Please." Her voice was soft yet determined and he nodded for her to continue. "I still love you. I think a part of me always will, but last night I let you go. I let go of the hope I had that it would be us in the end, and I feel…lighter." She smiled, giving his hand a light squeeze before letting it go.

It was then it dawned on him with startling simplicity what he'd found so _not right_ with Rose. It was not something that _should not be there_, but rather something that had been _missing_. He'd always loved her eyes – their shape, color, how they'd always crinkle in amusement whenever she heard something funny and, more importantly, how they always seemed to shine for him. And now it was missing – the wonderful, wonderful glow was gone.

From the very moment he'd met her, the glow had been there – the faith she'd placed in him then, even before she'd gotten to know him, had been staggering. The constant trust and faith that he'd get them all out alive and unharmed; that he'd do what was right and the hope it would be them walking back to the TARDIS hand in hand at the end of the day. And in that glow, he had basked, rebuilding his own broken world around it; setting it as the foundation to his everything. Because her feelings for him were the only thing he knew he could believe in – the one constant in the universe. He'd sworn never to take her for granted, the beautiful little human girl who'd managed to see something of worth in a weathered old man, but somewhere along their winding road he had. He loved her – oh, how he loved her – but out of fear he had still been unwilling to show her how much she meant to him. Instead, he had simply taken and taken what she'd offered to him until he'd reached the point where he'd forgotten how precious her gift was. He never stopped to consider what the consequences of his actions would be – not when she was there with him and his heart was safe for the time being. The thought that it one day might be too late, that one day she might not be able to bear the strain of his selfishness had never struck him.

In his mind, he could see the world around him shatter like a broken mirror, and it was all his fault. Because of his stupidity, he'd driven away the one thing he couldn't live without – without her faith in him, there was nothing stopping her from giving up completely and leaving one day. And without her, the universe – all of time and space! – meant nothing. _He_ would be nothing.

His stomach clenched, his breath came out in short gasps and his hearts thundered so loud in his chest he was almost certain she could hear their erratic beating. "No." The word came out as nothing more than a croak, having forced its way through his constricting throat, and he gripped her hand in desperation. "You can't!"

Her eyes widened. "Doctor?"

"Don't give up on me. _Please_. If there's one thing, _one_ thing, I cannot handle, Rose Tyler, it's you giving up on me."

A spark flickered in her eyes, but as suddenly as it appeared it was gone again. "Why?" she whispered. "You don't feel…" she trailed off, her gaze once again locking with her cup.

For a split second it almost felt as if she'd slapped him. In fact, he almost wished she had. Anything would be better than her doubt. Knowing what he needed to do, he exhaled, allowing a hand to brush against her cheek in a butterfly touch. "I've always known you were there," he murmured, "I never turned around and look at you, because I always knew. And you mean more to me than anything else in the universe, Rose. You always did, right from the start. Even when I was all tall, dark and broody."

"But—"

He shook his head. "No. There are no 'buts'. Reinette was…we-ell, Reinette was brilliant – can't deny that. And truth to be told, she fascinated me. But I didn't love her. How could I? She wasn't you. She may have seen into my mind, Rose, but she didn't understand me. Not like you do."

"But you were so sad when she died. I almost thought you were broken."

"I almost was. She was an incredible little human and I didn't even get to say goodbye before she was gone. She spent the rest of her life waiting for me to return for her, but I never did. Can you imagine how that felt?"

"I—no."

"No. And it very almost did break me, Rose, but it didn't. Because I had you, and you've always made me better."

She leaned forward, almost pressing her cheek into his palm, apparently taking his words for what they were – an _almost confession_. "You never said anythin'."

He laughed a dry, bitter laugh. "No. How could I? I've been so afraid of losing you to the toll of time in a distant future. I didn't want you too close, because I knew it would hurt so much when your time came. Your human lives are so short compared to mine. I never even considered that I might lose you _now_ because I was taking you for granted. Because, you're a constant in my life. The only constant I have! Heaven and hell may come, but Rose Tyler would be there holding my hand every time. It's the only thing I can always depend on."

"I can't go back, Doctor. Not to the way we were before. I don't think I can handle it anymore."

He shifted. Their faces were mere inches apart, so close he could count every freckle; feel her hot breath against his skin every time she exhaled. "Then we won't," he murmured, reaching out to tuck a stray strand of blonde hair behind her ear.

"Doctor…" she sighed, her eyes fluttering close as his arm snaked around her waist.

Their breath mingled, lips brushed and then the next thing he knew he was kissing her. Her lips felt warm and soft against his own, and he tightened his grip on her waist as his other hand continued to caress her face.

They came apart moments later, breathing hard. Their eyes met, clashing into each other's gaze for a brief instant, and even as he reached down to capture her lips in another kiss, the Doctor couldn't fail to notice how her eyes almost seemed to dance, fully ablaze with emotion.

And with that, everything was right in the world.

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><p><strong>-Fin-<strong>


End file.
